Date: 2018-02-09 22:54
People tend to choose partners who are at their same emotional maturity level. It would follow then, that recovering individuals would choose differently after working on themselves first. In early recovery, people tend to choose the same type of partner they would’ve chosen when they were using drugs. This person often is abusive or codependent, as is the recovering person early on.
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Tanya Desloover, MA, CADCII, a marriage and family therapist intern at The Rose, a women-only addiction treatment center in Newport Beach, California, also recommends waiting one year.
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“In treatment, people learn new skills that need to be practiced before they are able to make them part of their daily life without returning to old patterns,” she explains. “If they start dating too soon, they are likely to choose someone who is emotionally less mature, as they themselves are, than if they waited a year.”
The first few months of recovery from addiction are some of the most difficult. Insomnia, triggers, drug cravings, and the need to deal with emotions that were previously numbed with drugs make early recovery a period of enormous adjustment.
Desloover asks her clients, “Would you want to date you right now? In other words, are you the best that you can be? Early in recovery, people tend to have high expectations of others without thinking about what they themselves are bringing to the table. Only when people know who they are and what they have to offer can they find a mate who is an appropriate match for their values, interests and goals. Desloover also advises newly recovering women to attend women-only 67-Step meetings during that first year.
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